blue_icy_rose

Title: Darkness I Live In
Rating: R
Pairing: Buffy/Dean
Summary: After a demon attack, Buffy wakes up with no memories except her name and begins to travel with Dean and Sam. While on the road, Buffy and Dean grow closer. Post Chosen. (I so suck at summaries, lol.)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon and the Winchesters belong to Eric Kripke. (Lucky bastards.) All the dialogue in Buffy's memory flashes are from various episodes. The title of the story was inspired by Mary Lou Von Meter's poem, Heart of Darkness. Banner made by the awesome Mel. ^_^
Author's Note: This is my response to chosenfire's Memories Forgotten challenge at Route 66. If you'd like to see the requirements for the challenge, go here. You can also find this at Twisting the Hellmouth. This new chapter was written for

tamingthemuse (prompt: chimera). Enjoy and feedback's always welcome!

Banner by

avamclean

Previous Chapters

Dean glanced at Buffy from the corner of his eye, frowning a bit when he noticed the dazed look on her face as she watched the cops moving around the bodies. Once they’d gotten there, the police had taken a brief statement from each of them before steering them in the direction of the ambulance. Dean had had to fight not to roll his eyes when it had happened. Now though, he and Buffy were by themselves, waiting for one of the officers to come back and take a more detailed statement.

“Hey,” he called, touching her shoulder. He didn’t say anything else as she turned towards him, just raised an eyebrow.

Buffy blinked and then shook her head. “Sorry. I was just thinking.” She paused, biting her lip as if considering something as Dean continued to watch her. After a few moments, she shook her head again. “It was nothing.”

He stared at her for a bit longer and then nodded, letting his mouth tilt up in a half smile. “So, did I ever tell you about the time me and Sam hunted a chimera?” he asked.

Despite the fact that they both knew he hadn’t, she shook her head. “No.” She tilted her head back slightly. “What’s a chimera?”

“Nasty son of a bitch. Part lion, part goat, part snake, and it breathes fire. It was setting fire to local businesses to get the people outside where it could eat them. We had to use these lead swords to kill it.”

Buffy’s lips twitched as she fought back a laugh. “You’re making that up,” she said.

He grinned but didn’t deny or confirm the accusation. “Am I?”

She nodded. “You are.”

Dean shrugged. It had distracted her. “Maybe.” He straightened when he noticed one of the officers heading in their direction. “Ready?”

She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before she nodded. “Yeah.” Lying to the cops. Well, there was a first time for everything.

~*~*~

Sam looked up as Dean and Buffy walked into the room. “How did it go?” he asked.

“We’re supposed to stick around in case they want to ask us anything else and if we remember anything, we’re to give ‘em a call,” Dean said, his tone clearly indicating that he’d thought the cops they’d talked to had been idiots.

“It sounded like we were suspects,” Buffy added, a small smile on her face. Dean snorted and Sam shook his head.

“I guess this means I’ll be hearing about you two when I go ask some questions of my own.” He put the journal down and stretched. “Maybe I should add some stories of my own, Dean.” Sam smirked. “Make it more real.”

“Like you actually could without giving yourself away,” was all Dean said.

“I could. I think they’d want to hear all about that time in Wyoming with the trailer that you blew up.”

Dean scowled at him. “Okay, first of all, I didn’t blow up the trailer. I set it on fire because there was no other way to get rid of the spirit. There’s a difference. And second of all, shut up, Sam. Or I’m going to be leaving an anonymous tip about how the new agent in town has a tendency to break into places.”

Buffy grinned and picked up a book. She tensed as the memory came out of nowhere, letting out a small gasp.

She shifted in her seat, wondering what was going on this time.

“A lot of educators tell students ‘Think of your principal as your pal.’ I say think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner. Tell me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school?”

This was not going to end well for her. She just knew it.

“Well it is quite a match between you two,” he continued. “On the one hand, Buffy hasn’t stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel.”

“I didn’t stab anyone with a trowel,” the girl next to her said. She smirked. “They were pruning shears.”

The man didn’t acknowledge her. “On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building.”

She shifted. “Well, that was never proven. The fire marshal said it could’ve been mice.”

He stared at her. “Mice.”

She fought the urge to shift in her seat again. “Mice that were smoking?”

Clearly, he wasn’t buying that. “The two of you seem to be tied in the class cutting and fight starting events. You really are neck and neck here. It’s quite exciting.”

Sheila leaned back. “What’s the winner get?”

The look he gave her said he wasn’t amused. “Expelled.”

Buffy let out a breath, her grip on the book she’d picked up loosening enough for it to fall to the table. She blinked as she realized Dean was holding her arm, trying to get her attention.

“Buffy,” he said, tightening his grip. “What happened?”

She shook her head as she remembered that flash of memory before she laughed, the sound nowhere near as happy as it’d been. “I remembered something,” she said softly. She looked up at him. “But I really don’t want to talk about it.” When Dean didn’t let go of her, just continued to stare at her as if he’d be able to see what was wrong if he stared long enough, she took a step back. “Please.”

Buffy didn’t wait for either of them to say anything before she turned and walked out, shutting the door softly behind her.

Dean stared at the door for a few moments before he turned to find Sam doing the same thing. “What the hell?”

“Whatever it was, it was bad,” Sam said. Dean gave him a look that clearly said, No shit.

“Yeah, I got that.” He glanced at the door one more time before picking up the book that Buffy had dropped, flipping through it as though that would tell him what had triggered whatever she’d remembered.

Sam hesitated as he thought of everything he’d noticed lately. Briefly, he considered telling Dean before he shook his head. He had his suspicions that there was a chance Buffy was like him, like Max, but he didn’t have any proof.

And until he had proof, he wasn’t going to say anything.

~*~*~

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself as she walked, thinking back on everything she’d remembered so far.

She’d killed a man. It didn’t matter if it’d been self-defense or not, she’d still killed a man. And then there was the slaying. She still hadn’t figured that one out but she didn’t think it could be anything good. And now it turned out she’d burned down a building.

Maybe they’d been wrong. Maybe it hadn’t been her and she’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

She shook her head at that. Somehow, as much as she wanted to believe that, she didn’t think that was the case.

Buffy tensed as she remembered what Dean had said before. He didn’t think that amnesia could change someone so that they were a different person entirely. But what if he was wrong? What if-

She shook her head, cutting off the thought before she could finish. Asking what if wasn’t going to change anything. All the evidence was pointing towards the fact that she’d obviously broken the law.

But there was the training with the stones and the meditation. She couldn’t help but hold onto that for a bit of hope that there was a reasonable explanation for all of this.

It wasn’t much but at the moment it was all she had.