Oh, so funny.

[blue_icy_rose]

I snagged this from suki_blue and then I was going to amuse the folks at R66 with these but I had no idea where I'd post them on the boards. So I'm putting it here. Generated drabbles to amuse those on my flist that like Buffy/Dean.



Buffy hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like an elf that danced merrily through the forest. She loathed it.

Every December, Buffy would feel herself getting all bumpy inside. She refused to put up a Christmas car, she snapped at anyone thick-headed enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Buffy had to go to the mall to buy a sparkly grass. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing silently around and so much Christmas music blaring messily, she thought her leg would explode.

Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a breakable man collecting for charity. Buffy never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the breakable man dropped his bells and ran under a tree. There was a clear dog right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the breakable man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Buffy rushed out and swimmingly pushed them both out of the way. There was a crunchy bang and then everything went dark.

When Buffy woke up, she was in a scary room. There was a Christmas car in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Buffy's neck hurt. A lot.

The breakable man came into the room. "I'm so glowing!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Dean. You saved me from the truck. But your neck is broken."

Buffy hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas car up and her neck was broken, she felt quite sharp, especially when she looked at Dean.

"Your neck must hurt huskily," Dean said. "I think this will help." And he licked Buffy several times.

Now Buffy felt very sharp indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Dean. "I love you," she said, and kissed Dean quietly.

"I love you too," said Dean. Just then, the dog ran into the room and nuzzled Buffy's stomach. "I brought him home with us," Dean said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Buffy said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.




Buffy was walking through a glowing meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a scary little dog lying under a tree.

Buffy skipped over to see the dear thing and was breakable to find that he was hurt! A house had pierced his thick-headed little leg and he whimpered messily with the pain.

"My sparkly little friend," Buffy said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the house, as quietly as she could. The dog cried out and Buffy's heart ached, like an elf that danced merrily through the forest. "You'll be all right," Buffy whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Dean and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Dean up in her arms, Buffy carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Buffy nursed Dean, cleaning his leg and feeding him Grass-brand dog chow.

On the eighth night, Dean climbed into bed with Buffy. He burrowed under the covers and huskily licked Buffy's stomach. It made Buffy giggle and she cuddled close to Dean, stroking his neck and singing swimmingly to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Buffy hurried home so she could curl up with Dean. It gave her a clear feeling whenever Dean licked her stomach.

Then one night, Dean looked up at Buffy and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a sharp prince."

Buffy screamed silently, she was so surprised. How could a dog talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Dean said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Buffy said and kissed Dean on his neck. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a sharp prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Dean," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Buffy said.

"See?" Dean said and showed Buffy the scar from the house on his leg. Then he kissed Buffy and they tumbled under a tree and did a lot of very crunchy things, some of them involving a bumpy car.

"I love you," Dean said when they were done. Buffy clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Dean had stashed away.

And if Dean didn't know about Buffy's visits to the dog sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.




In a crowd, Buffy bit her chair. She had been busy with the chair for hours and now wanted nothing more than a crazy cuddle or a crinkly massage from her lover Dean.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her hairy Dean appeared at the door, grinning joyously.

"Put down the chair," Dean said squeakily. "Unless you want me to bite that chair on your butt."

Buffy put down the chair. She was frowny. She had never seen Dean so shiny before and it made her stinky.

Dean picked up the chair, then withdrew a wall from his nose. "Don't be so frowny," Dean said with a shiny grimace. "A horse bit my back this morning, and everything became pouty. Now with this chair and this wall I can squeakily rule the world!"

Buffy clutched her jittery back uniformly. This was her lover, her hairy Dean, now staring at her with a shiny nose.

"Fight it!" Buffy shouted. "The horse just wants the chair for his own hairy devices! He doesn't love you, not the crazy way I do!"

Buffy could see Dean trembling uniformly. Buffy reached out her butt and touched Dean's nose squeakily. She was hairy, so hairy, but she knew only her jittery love for Dean would break the horse's spell.

Sure enough, Dean dropped the chair with a thunk. "Oh, Buffy," he squealed. "I'm so crazy, can you ever forgive me?"

But Buffy had already moved in a crowd. Like a shark sneaking up on its prey, she pressed her butt into Dean's nose. And as they fell together in a pouty fit of love, the chair lay on the floor, stinky and forgotten.




Buffy woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one pouty box that looked like a chair.

Then Buffy noticed that Dean was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Buffy thought that she would surprise Dean. Maybe even sneak up behind him and bite him on his hairy back. That always made Dean crinkly.

Buffy crept sadly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its shiny lights, and the presents, heaped up squeakily, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Dean. Kissing someone.

Buffy was so angry, she picked up a wall from a table and threw it uniformly in a crowd.

They both looked around.

"Dean, you loving horse!" Buffy yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Buffy looked and then rubbed her nose and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Dean said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a jittery kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Buffy said joyously. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be crazy."

That seemed reasonable. Buffy went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like a shark sneaking up on its prey. He made Buffy's butt feel all frowny.

"You see?" Dean said noisily and Buffy saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.


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