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Title: Darkness I Live In
Rating: R
Pairing: Buffy/Dean
Summary: After a demon attack, Buffy wakes up with no memories except her name and begins to travel with Dean and Sam. While on the road, Buffy and Dean grow closer. Post Chosen. (I so suck at summaries, lol.)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon and the Winchesters belong to Eric Kripke. (Lucky bastards.) All the dialogue in Buffy's memory flashes are from various episodes. The title of the story was inspired by Mary Lou Von Meter's poem, Heart of Darkness. Banner made by the awesome Mel. ^_^
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long for an update on this one! RL has been kicking my butt. This is my response to chosenfire's Memories Forgotten challenge at Route 66. If you'd like to see the requirements for the challenge, go here. You can also find this at Twisting the Hellmouth. This new chapter was written for
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Resources: I got all the Buffy quotes from BuffyWorld and the information about topaz and jade were gotten from here.

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Previous Chapters
She watched as the man lifted up a yellow stone. “What is this one?” he asked.
Tilting her head, she considered. “Topaz.”
He gave no indication that she was right. “And it’s used for?”
She hesitated and bit her lip. “Despazzing someone?” she suggested.
“Protection against one’s enemies, a warning to its wearer of poisons and protects them from death. It also dispels sadness and anger, as well as nocturnal fears.”
“Oh.”
He handed her another crystal. “This one?”
“Amethyst.” She knew that one. No problem.
“Used for?”
“Breath mints?” She tilted her head back so that she could look up at him. It wasn’t the right answer, she knew that.
He sighed and her lips twitched. “Charm bags, money spells, and cleansing one’s aura.”
Thoughtfully, she looked at the crystal and then back up at him. “Okay, so how do you know if one’s aura is dirty? Somebody come by with a finger and write ‘wash me’ on it?” She made a writing gesture with her crystal.
She watched as he took off his glasses and settled his arms on the table, leaning towards her. “Buffy, I’m aware of your distaste for studying vibratory stones, but since it is part of your training, I would appreciate your glib-free attention.”
“Sorry.” She lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. “It’s just with Faith on one of her unannounced walkabouts, I feel like somebody should be patrolling.”
He didn’t look up at her, studying the stones instead. “Well, Faith is not interested in proper training, so I must rely on you to keep up with yours.”
Briefly, her mouth fell into a pout before she sighed. “I hate being the good one.”
“And as for patrolling, well, you’ll be there soon enough.” Now he looked up at her, curious. “Why so anxious?”
“I guess it...” She shifted and put down the crystal she was holding. “I just have some...energy to burn.”
“Well, in due time,” he put his glasses back on, “but, uh, for the present, if it’s not completely beyond your capabilities,” he picked up the largest blue crystal and set it in front of her, “concentrate.”
Buffy opened her eyes, frowning. “Vibratory stones,” she muttered, shaking her head. She had no idea why she’d been studying them but she had. The sound of deep breathing caused her to turn her head to the right. She smiled at the sight of Dean sprawled over the bed, arms wrapped around the pillow. Sam was spread out on the floor in a similar position. She leaned over the edge and fought the urge to laugh at the way Sam’s hair stuck up.
Earlier that night, she’d mentioned separate rooms but neither Sam nor Dean had felt comfortable with that option, at least not until she’d done some training first. She couldn’t really blame them for that reasoning. The office didn’t have another cot so they’d have to wait until it was returned to use it. And her offer to sleep on the floor had been shot down by Dean, who had said she’d have one of the beds before he told Sam he’d flip him to see who got a bed and who got the floor. The deal was that whoever lost the coin toss would sleep on the floor that night and then they’d switch places the next night.
She eyed the two brothers before shoving the covers off and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She waited a few more moments to be sure her eyes were adjusted to the dark before slowly walking towards the door, taking care not to step on Sam. As quietly as she could, she opened the door, slipping outside. She took a deep breath before walking towards the parking lot, settling on the curb.
Buffy blinked and turned when she felt someone sit down next to her. Dean raised an eyebrow at the look she gave him and tilted his head a bit. “I’m a light sleeper,” was all he said.
“Makes sense.” She let out a breath and leaned forward, resting her arms on her legs.
“Bad dream?” he asked after a few moments. She shook her head.
“Not bad. Just weird.” She frowned. “Well, sort of weird. I mean, there were no demons but still, I don’t think regular girls study vibratory stones for fun.”
Dean paused. “Vibratory stones?” He shook his head. “That sounds kind of dirty.”
Buffy laughed and pushed her shoulder against his. “You’re gross. I mean, stones for magic and stuff.” She paused and frowned again. “At least, I think it was for magic. I was getting quizzed on what uses for things like topaz and amethyst were.”
He studied her for a few moments. “Anything else?”
“The man that was asking me the questions? He mentioned someone named Faith and how she didn’t care about her training so he was counting on me to keep up with mine.” She sighed.
“So you were the good student.”
She glanced at him. “Wipe that smile off your face, mister. That doesn’t mean you were right.”
Dean shrugged. “It may only be one memory but it’s a start, isn’t it?”
“If it was a memory. Maybe I made it up.” Even to her own ears, her voice sounded unconvincing.
“Jade.”
“What?”
“Jade. What is it for?”
Buffy thought for a moment. “It’s considered to be a lucky stone and one that can be used for protection. It’s also used to make weapons.” She blinked, surprised. “I have no idea how I knew that.”
Dean grinned. “Good student.” He stood and held out a hand. “Come on. We should probably get some sleep. You start training tomorrow.”
Her eyes lit up and she grinned as she took his hand, allowing him to pull her up. “I know.”
As they walked back to the room, Buffy could only hope that she wasn’t going to end up shooting something she wasn’t supposed to.
Buffy stared at the crossbow in Dean’s hands. “Do you really think that’s the best place to start? Shooting stuff? What if I shoot you or Sam? What if I shoot the car? Or some random person that is, for some unknown reason, walking around in an old field?”
“Buffy, relax. You’re not going to shoot me or Sam or the car. And anyone who’s out walking in a field that looks like it’s used for target practice is just asking to be shot.”
“Like that helps,” she muttered. When Dean only continued to look at her, she sighed and took the crossbow from him, pointing it away from the both of them, just in case.
“Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?”
She shook her head to clear it, taking a deep breath. Dean had spent a good part of the morning going over how to use a crossbow and the different types of guns they had. Sam had helped but had said he was always more partial to hand to hand rather than shooting a crossbow. Dean had smirked at that before continuing to show Buffy how to load it, how to load a gun and how to know when the safety was on or off.
“Come on.” Dean turned her towards the makeshift target he’d set up a few yards away. “You remember how I showed you?”
Buffy nodded, thinking back to this morning and then to ten minutes ago when Dean had shot the crossbow so she could see how to hold it. “Yeah.” She took a deep breath and lifted it, trying to line it up with the target before letting the bolt fly. Her jaw dropped when the bolt imbedded itself in the target. It wasn’t anywhere near the center but she was still surprised by the fact that she’d even hit the target. “Wow.” She turned towards Dean, eyes bright. “I did it.”
He nodded, a bit surprised himself. “Yeah.” He smirked. “You did better than Sammy did the first time he shot a crossbow.”
She laughed and glanced down, shaking her head, before looking up. “Really?”
Dean laughed at the hopeful way she said it. “Yeah, really.” He gestured to the other bolts. “Now reload and see if you can do it again.”
She turned and looked at the bolts; taking a few moments to be sure she remembered how to reload the crossbow correctly. After another moment, she nodded and quickly moved to reload the crossbow. Turning, she took a deep breath and then lifted the crossbow again. This time, she didn’t hesitate in lifting the crossbow and aiming it. Once more she let the bolt fly and then stared in shock at the bolt, which had imbedded itself just under the bolt Dean had shot earlier.
She stared at it for a few minutes before turning towards Dean to see what he had to say.
Dean looked from her to the bolt, staring at it for another few moments. He’d never seen a person pick up the crossbow so quickly. When he finally spoke, there was really only one thing to say.
“Son of a bitch.”