![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)

Title: Darkness I Live In
Rating: R
Pairing: Buffy/Dean
Summary: After a demon attack, Buffy wakes up with no memories except her name and begins to travel with Dean and Sam. While on the road, Buffy and Dean grow closer. Post Chosen. (I so suck at summaries, lol.)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon and the Winchesters belong to Eric Kripke. (Lucky bastards.) All the dialogue in Buffy's memory flashes are from various episodes. The title of the story was inspired by Mary Lou Von Meter's poem, Heart of Darkness. Banner made by the awesome Mel. ^_^
Author's Note: This is my response to chosenfire's Memories Forgotten challenge at Route 66. If you'd like to see the requirements for the challenge, go here. You can also find this at Twisting the Hellmouth. This new chapter was written for
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)

![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Previous Chapters
Sam turned to look at Buffy, tilting his head as he watched her scroll through the various websites for newspapers to help them find their next job. Dean had told him about her weapons training and Sam had to admit that he was sorry to have missed it. The look on Dean’s face must have been priceless.
Just then, Buffy looked up and caught him staring. She blinked. “What?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “I was just thinking that the next time you and Dean get started on training, I’m definitely going to be there.” He smiled.
“I don’t even know how I did it.” She paused. “Maybe I was into archery. They have clubs for that at high schools, right?”
Sam nodded. “Some.” He shrugged. “I never joined one or anything but I remember hearing announcements for meetings and tournaments. Stuff like that.” When Buffy nodded, he leaned back in his seat. “But I have to say that you don’t seem to be the archery club type to me.”
Buffy’s eyebrows drew together. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Sam thought back over what he had said, backtracking. “Nothing bad. Just that...I don’t picture you as the type to join the club, just because. I think if you did learn, you learned in a more one on one way, like Dean and I did.”
Buffy bit her lip, going over what Sam had said. It made sense. After all, that memory of studying those stones had been one on one. Maybe she had been in training for some reason. She nodded. “I guess that makes sense.” She turned back to the screen, continuing to look through various articles and newspapers before pausing on one. “Sam? I think I found something.”
He got up and moved so that he was standing behind her, leaning down so that he could read what was on the screen. After a few more moments, he nodded.
“Looks like it could be a spirit. Can you look to see if there’s been any other deaths in the house?”
“Um, maybe.” She tilted her head back so that she could look at Sam. “I don’t think I’m good at research.”
Sam laughed. “You never know.” He opened his mouth to say something else, stopping when the door opened and Dean walked in. “Hey.”
Dean glanced from him to Buffy and then back to him. “Hey.” He tossed a paper bag onto the table and set the tray of drinks down next to it. “Hope you guys wanted burgers for lunch.”
Buffy eyed the drink instead. “I’m more interested in the caffeine.” She reached out and took one of the cups, taking a drink right away. “Better.”
“Buffy might’ve found a case,” Sam said. Dean looked up from the bag he was digging through and glanced at Buffy.
“Yeah?”
She shrugged. “Maybe. I have to check a bit more. Or at least that’s what Sam was telling me.” She grinned. “Which is why you have perfect timing.”
Dean smirked. “Trying to get out of it?”
“Maybe. Just for a little though.” She turned to the screen. “I really just have to see if there was a pattern or not.” She frowned. “That’s not too hard, right?”
“Probably won’t even take you that long,” Dean told her, pulling out a carton of fries.
“Right. Well, in that case, I’m getting it over with.” Off their looks, she shrugged. “I want to know.”
It had turned out to be an actual case, one that was less than a day’s drive away. Buffy couldn’t help but look back when they passed the city limits. She may not remember it but she was pretty sure she lived there. Still, even if she had lived there, she must not have been close to anyone. She’d watched the news and there’d been no mention of anyone searching for someone named Buffy.
She frowned, fingering the braided leather bracelet around her wrist. She’d woken up wearing it and she’d yet to take it off. There was something comforting about it.
She shifted again so that she was sitting in the seat sideways. Maybe she’d been a loner. One of those people who only talked to people when she had to.
Buffy shook her head at the thought. She may not have many memories but she didn’t think that was true. It didn’t feel right.
She sighed and sat forward, determined not to think about if for the moment, crossing her arms over the back of the seat. “Are we there yet?”
Dean turned his head to raise an eyebrow at her. “Please tell me you didn’t just ask that.”
“Well I would but then I’d be lying.”
“Then at least tell me you’re not going to continue to ask that,” he said, already turning back to watch the road.
“I make no guarantees.”
Sam snickered and then swore when Dean reached over and hit him on the shoulder. “What the hell, man?”
“Not one word, Sam. Not. One.” Dean looked in the rearview mirror, meeting Buffy’s eyes. “He used to ask that question all the time. I think the only reason Dad never tossed him out of the car was because I was usually there to shut him up.”
“I wasn’t that bad,” Sam muttered.
“Where are we going? Why? Dad, are we there yet? What are we going to do when we get there? Are we going to have a TV? How far is it now?” Dean said, raising his voice slightly in an imitation of Sam. Buffy laughed as Sam rolled his eyes.
“I’m sure the fighting helped, too.” Buffy nodded and then, grinning, let herself fall back in her seat.
Neither one had an answer for that and Buffy turned her head to look out the window. A few miles passed with nothing but Dean’s music playing before Sam spoke.
“Buffy, did you want to go with us?” He glanced at Dean and then turned in his seat. “When we go check out the house?”
Buffy leaned forward, a small thrill going through her at the thought. “Really?”
This time it was Dean who answered. “Yeah, really.” He switched lanes, speeding up to pass the other cars. “It shouldn’t be anything too difficult. We’re going in to look around, check out the house, that kind of thing.” He paused. “You don’t have to go though. Hell, even when things are supposed to go easily, they get screwed up somehow.”
Something about the way he said it made Buffy lean forward a bit more. “If you’re suggesting that I stay back at the room while you and Sam go, forget it. I’m not missing out on this.” Buffy knew something could go wrong. From what Dean had told her, she should probably expect something to go wrong since spirits weren’t always predictable. But she wanted to go, wanted to be a part of this. She wanted to do something.
Dean hesitated for another moment before nodding. “Okay then.”
“Okay, before we go in, you’re taking this,” Dean said, holding out the crossbow. Buffy took it and then raised an eyebrow in question. “It’s mostly a just in case sort of thing. I don’t want you going in unarmed.”
She smiled. “Got it. But I thought you said salt was what was needed when going against spirits.”
“It is. But there’s no guarantee that there won’t be something else in there or something.” He paused. “We’ll find a place for shooting practice tomorrow morning.”
“Shotgun?” she asked hopefully.
Dean looked at her, a half smile on his face. “Handgun first.”
Buffy shrugged. “It was worth a shot.” She shook her head. “No pun intended.”
Sam shook his head as Dean groaned while trying not to laugh. “That was bad.” He began heading towards the house, slowing down as they got closer. He tried the door and sighed when he realized it was locked. “I thought this place was abandoned,” he muttered, already dropping to his knees and beginning to work on the lock.
“It is,” Dean told him, turning to scan the area around them.
“Then what’s the point in locking it?”
“Maybe that’s their way of discouraging people from going in,” Buffy said, making sure the crossbow was pointed towards the ground. Dean nodded in agreement.
“Makes sense. Though I never understood how that was supposed to work. One lock isn’t going to do anything. Except maybe tempt the person even more.”
“Got it,” Sam announced in satisfaction. He stood, picking up the shotgun as he pushed the door open.
Dean walked in first, followed by Buffy, with Sam taking the back. Once they were inside, Dean pulled out the EMF meter that he’d shown Buffy when he was explaining what they’d need when going after a spirit.
“Now what?” Buffy asked, keeping her voice low.
“Now we make sure that this place actually has its own Casper,” Dean told her, turning the EMF on. They began walking through the house, waiting for the EMF to go off.
The first floor of the house revealed nothing and Dean frowned as they headed up the stairs. “I don’t like it.”
“If we had split up, it’d be riskier,” Sam reasoned. “There’s only one EMF.”
“Do you normally split up?” Buffy glanced between the two. Sam shook his head.
“Not really. The furthest we go is a couple of rooms, usually.”
She nodded. “Okay, then why don’t we try that? I can stay with one of you guys since you guys have the salt and the guns.”
Before either one could answer, the EMF went off just as a desk came flying at them through one of the doorways. Dean grabbed her arm and pulled her against the wall so that it went right passed them.
“Damn it.”
“Well, that answers that question of whether or not it’s a spirit,” Sam said from the doorway across from them. Dean nodded and glanced at Buffy.
“You okay?”
She nodded, staring at the desk that was now standing against the stair railing. “Yeah. I’ve just never had a desk fly at me before.” She paused. “I think.”
Dean smirked and glanced at Sam, tilting his head to a large opening. Sam nodded. It looked like it led to some sort of game room. They’d check in there to see if there was another way to get downstairs and try to avoid more flying furniture. Sam nodded and Dean gave Buffy’s arm a slight squeeze to get her attention, motioning to where they were going. She nodded, glancing in the other rooms as they passed.
“Whoa,” she said once they’d gone through the opening. Around them were all sorts of knives, all of them mounted on the walls.
“I’m thinking we should take our chances with the flying desk,” Dean said, eyeing each wall. Suddenly, a knife went flying towards Sam. “Sam, down!”
Sam ducked, already backing up. “I’m thinking you’re right.” Knives began coming off the walls, floating in the air, the points aimed towards them. “Haste makes speed,” he blurted.
Dean tugged Buffy out of the room, making sure Sam was out as well as the knives began flying towards them. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Don’t look at me,” she said. “I don’t even know my last name. There's no way I know that one.”
“Run,” Sam told them as the knives stopped inches from hitting the wall and turned towards them again. They rushed down the stairs, Dean swearing when a knife flew by him, scratching his arm.
Buffy ran ahead, reaching out and pulling at the doorknob, her eyes widening when it didn’t budge. She looked down and saw that it wasn’t actually locked and let out a breath. “Shit.”
“Not something I want to hear,” Dean said, raising the shotgun and looking around, hoping to spot the spirit.
“Door’s stuck.”
Sam reached out and pulled at the door, shaking his head when it wouldn’t move. Buffy glanced towards the stairs and then put her hand over Sam’s and pulled as hard as she could, stumbling when the door suddenly flew open.
“Go!” Dean shoved them out the door, following them and pulling the door shut just as a set of knives flew at the area where they’d been standing. He looked at them. “How the hell did you get the door open that fast when it was stuck?”
Sam looked at Buffy and then turned back to Dean, shrugging. “Guess the door wasn’t as stuck as we thought.”
“Then we lucked out on one thing at least.” He turned to Buffy. “So, what’d you think?”
Buffy grinned. “An exciting but valid career choice.”
He snorted. “Yeah.” He shook his head. “Come on. We need to figure out who the hell the spirit actually is.”
“Research.” Buffy twirled her finger in the air like a flag. “Yay.”
Dean grinned as they all headed to the car. “Yeah, research.”
As Buffy worked to convince Dean that he should do the research, neither noticed the thoughtful look that Sam gave the door and then Buffy.